Esme's Regrets
by afaithfulwriter890
Summary: When Esme hears that Bella is pregnant, she runs off full of jealousy. She wants so badly to have Carlisle's child. Carlisle follows her and tries to console her, and lemons ensue. Rated M for lemons. Sorry.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight!  
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><p><strong>Esme POV<strong>

Alice rushed into the room with the phone in her hand. "Carlisle, it's Bella! I think something's wrong," she said urgently.

Carlisle darted form his seat beside me on the couch to Alice and took the phone from her. "Bella, it's Carlisle. What's going on?" he asked into the phone. I could hear the panic in my husband's voice, and it terrified me.

I could hear Bella on the other end. "I… I'm a little worried about Edward… Can vampires go into shock?" she inquired. I froze. What's wrong with Edward? Was he hurt? I didn't want to think about anything bad happening to my son and daughter-in-law on their honeymoon, and much less on the island Carlisle had given to me as a wedding gift.

"Has he been harm?" Carlisle demanded urgently.

"No, no," Bella assured him. "Just… taken by surprise."

"I don't understand, Bella," Carlisle responded. I could hear the annoyance mixed with fear in his voice as he spoke.

"I think… well, I think that… maybe… I might be…" she paused there and took a deep breath before letting it out. "Pregnant."

Everyone in the room was silent. Jasper who sat on the loveseat waiting for Alice to return, who had anxiously been watching the unfolding seen leapt to his feet. Rosalie and Emmett also rose, their eyes wide with disbelief. It only took Carlisle a moment to recover from his shock and his medical training took control. He began to ask her a variety of questions that were associated with being pregnant.

I just stood there, watching and listening in disbelief. I looked up and my eyes locked with Rosalie. We were thinking the same thing. I knew we were. We had always wanted babies of our own… I had come so close once… but the poor thing died of a lung infection… I didn't want to think about babies anymore. I wanted to forget about them and be happy, and live the rest of my life with my Carlisle, but it was impossible to forget about babies; that was one of human's main reasons to be on this earth, keep the race alive.

I finally snapped out of it when I heard my son's anxious voice on the phone. I couldn't listen to his words anymore. Jasper, now, had moved up so he stood beside me. I rested on hand on my shoulder to try and calm me, but even he was full of anxiety. "Excuse me," I whispered mainly to Jasper, but everyone, even Carlisle who was still having a heated conversation with Edward turned to look at me.

Hating to be the center of attention, I darted out of the room. I instinctively ran to my safe place—the bedroom I shared with Carlisle. I sat on the bed for a minute, trying to keep myself together. I didn't want to cry. That would only make Carlisle more upset. I opened the large window that was more like a door and jumped out into the forest. I landed with a soft thud and took off through the trees. I knew that someone, most likely Carlisle would come and look for me later. Right now, I just wanted to be alone and try to forget everything.

I ran until the desire to run and get away died. By that time I was on the border of our territory where a small canyon separated wolf territory from our own. At first my gaze was focused across the divide, my eyes searching the trees for any nearby wolves, but then I looked down. A chill when I my spine as I remembered my suicide attempt when my own baby had died. I sucked in a breath, but let it on in a sob. I sat down on the edge of the cliff and put my head in my hands.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Bella could have a child with the man she loved more than anything else in the world and I couldn't. It was rare that I had a selfish outburst like this, but after so many years of holding all of it in, I had to let it go. My mangled sobs were the only sounds that filled the forest now. I wasn't just thinking about the baby though, I was thinking about everything that happened in my human life—my mother forcing me to marry Charles, Charles being abusive and hitting me, and raping me… Then when I did get the courage to leave, the nine months I lived in fear of him finding me, and even worse, finding my child… our child. I thought about the day he was born, how happy I was—a little boy, the son of Charles Evenson, but still i_my_/i son… Then the heartbreaking news that he didn't survive the infection… My attempt to kill myself by jumping over the cliff… and then hearing Carlisle's soft, tender voice in the hospital, whispering to me that he would save me.

Carlisle had saved me in more ways than one; he saved my life, and he saved my spirit. He sewed up the wounds that Charles had inflicted and left open and bleeding. He taught me how to love again. I loved my husband do much. He could give me anything I wanted, except a child… He gave me a family—Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and most importantly himself—but the thing I wanted more than anything, something that only Edward and I knew, was to have his child. I wished I could do that much.

Edward blamed Carlisle for the change—for turning him into a soulless monster. Edward felt that he would have rather died than be what he was. I tried to tell him so many times that it's not what you are, but it's what you do. Carlisle had proved that fact true in so many instances it was unbelievable. Now that Edward found Bella, he's been happier; he doesn't resent being a monster as much. Bella has given him something to live for, something to fight for. I could never thank Bella enough for that.

I sat there, my body shaking with tearless sobs as I tried to calm myself. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to have Carlisle sitting beside me with his strong, muscular arms wrapped around me, holding me close to his chest. I wanted to hear his tender consoling voice in my ear telling me everything was going to be okay and feel his soft, full lips kissing my hair.

"Esme," Carlisle's voice sounded behind me. I spun around, and sure enough, there he stood.

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><p><strong>Carlisle POV<strong>

After Edward hung up, Alice and Jasper darted upstairs to get my office clean for them. I was grateful to them and looked at Rosalie who was gazing at the TV screen where a football game was being played, but I knew she wasn't watching the game, just remembering her human life. Emmett had his arm around her waist and was examining her closely. "You okay?" he asked in a whisper.

Rosalie tore her gaze away from the screen and looked at her husband's face. She nodded silently and rested her head on his chest.

Emmett pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back as she began to cry tearlessly. "Shh," he tried to sooth, holding his love close.

I felt a wave of guilt rush through me and realized that I should go find Esme. I knew she had to be upset as well. I left the room silently, my footsteps on the wooden floor not even audible. I pulled open the front door, then darted out into the night, following Esme's scent trail. I followed it closer and closer toward werewolf territory and a twinge of fear shot through me. I prayed that she didn't go too far and cross over. The werewolves would not be too forgiving.

To my relief, I found her sitting on the edge of the canyon, crying. I sighed in relief but my heart still broke at the sounds of her tearless cries. "Esme," I said quietly.

She spun around, urgently and stared at me for a moment before crumbling once more and began sobbing. "Oh, Carlisle…" she whimpered.

I went to her side and pulled her into my lap. I locked my arms around her and just cradled her to my chest. I listened to her cry and kissed her head over and over. "Shh," I tried to sooth like Emmett had done to Rosalie. "Please don't cry, love."

"It's not fair," she whimpered. "I know it's selfish of me, but it's not fair!"

"I know, darling," I replied, kissing her head. "You know that if it were possible, I would make a child with you."

She nodded. "I would give you one if I could."

"It's my fault you can't," I admitted, my voice barely audible. And it was true; if I hadn't bit her she would be dead, but she wouldn't be tortured every day with the fact that she could no longer bear children. "If I hadn't changed you… If I had found you with that bastard sooner… None of this would have happened."

"It's not your fault, Carlisle," Esme insisted, pulling away a little to look up at me. "It's never your fault. You saved my life. You gave me something good in my life to love and cherish. You gave me everything I could want."

"Except a child," I added grudgingly.

She sighed. I knew that she knew it was true. I wanted to punish myself for it. Every day I wondered if I had done the right thing. Edward had hated me, Rosalie had hated me, Emmett loved, and still is loving, every moment since he had Rosalie and had super strength, Esme would never hate me even though she should… I wondered if changing them had been the right thing. I would never know if I should change a person's fate by changing them. How are we supposed to know not to interfere with human life? Altering one's destiny is something that I could never be sure on whether to save them, or let them die. Why should I leave a young soul with so much more potential die when I had the ability to save them? But at what cost would it take to save them?

"Carlisle… It doesn't matter now," Esme told me after a while. "What's done is done and we can't change it…. We… we need to be there for Bella."

I nodded in agreement; glad to my love seemed to have forgotten about it for now so we could help Bella. But I was lying to myself; Esme would never forget the pain. "I love you," I whispered, looking at her flawless face.

Esme stared back up into my own. She looked into my eyes without fear, something we did so many times with one another. Her beauty overwhelmed me every day. How could a monster like me deserve this beautiful, perfect creature? I didn't, that's why. But Esme often thought the same about me, she'd told me once that she did. I had scolded her lightly, telling her that it was the other way around, but she stubbornly refused that notion.

"I love you too, Carlisle," she replied, her voice full of finalism and truth.

I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. Esme kissed me back, her lips fitting perfectly to mine. She locked her arms around my neck and I pressed my tongue between her soft lips, requesting entrance to her mouth, which she granted. Her tongue met my own and they danced together. She tasted so delicious that it made me hard.

Esme felt my rising erection and giggled, shifting so the apex of her legs was right over the bulge in my pants, and so her legs were wrapped around my back. I growled, loving the feeling of her there. She giggled again, enjoying my animalistic side. One of my hands wandered won her back to her butt and found its way under her dress. She wasn't wearing any underwear, probably for convenience later on tonight.

"No panties, Mrs. Cullen? You naughty thing," I growled in her ear playfully, sucking on her earlobe. Her small hands were now down around my crotch, loosening my belt and unbuttoning the button on my pants. Any wolves across the canyon were in for one hell of a show.

Esme unzipped the zipper on my pants and pulled my boxers down so my erect pillar was exposed. She moved upward so she hovered over my pulsing erection before lowering herself onto it. I moaned in pleasure at being inside her once more. It was so familiar after so many decades of marriage. Esme continued to lower herself until she could do down no further due to the way we were positioned.

That didn't stop her though. She kissed my lips and wrapped her arms around my neck before moving up and down, her walls contracting around my member. It wasn't enough for me though. When she slowed a little, I shifted us so she was on the ground below me. She looked up at me and smiled before pulling me down to kiss her. I took over, thrusting in and out quickly, plunging deep inside her and hitting her sweet spot every time.

She groaned when she became closer to her own release and dug her fingernails in my back hard enough to rip my shirt, but not hard enough to physically hurt me. "Sorry," she whispered, most likely thinking she did.

I shook my head. "Don't be," I breathed as she let out a loud moan as I hit the spot inside her for a final time. She finally released, her fluids flowing around my member. I growled a little, enjoying the feeling of it before releasing myself.

Esme pulled me down so I rested on top of her and just cradled me close. "Carlisle, if we had a baby, it would be the most beautiful baby in the world," she said suddenly.

I nodded. "It would be."

"What do you think will happen to Bella? I mean, what could be inside her?" Esme inquired. I knew she was just wondering, but I was felt compelled to answer.

"It could be a baby, or a monster… We don't know yet. I don't think we will know until she delivers… if it doesn't kill her first," I whispered, not wanting to think about it. We both knew that Edward wouldn't be able to tolerate losing Bella, which made it all the more urgent for me to see Bella and run some tests.

"Well, I guess we'll have a baby in the house," Esme said, almost happily.

I looked away from my wife's hopeful face. I didn't want to tell her that Edward wanted an abortion the first thing when they got home. That would only make her more upset, and furious with Edward. I also didn't want to tell her that I partially agreed with Edward. We didn't know what was inside Bella, and anything even remotely vampire could kill the poor child. If we lost Bella, than we lost Edward. And I would not lose my son for a third time.

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><p>AN: When Esme learns Bella is pregnant, she runs off full of jealousy. She wants so badly for it to be her pregnant with Carlisle's child. It's not long before Carlisle follows her and consoles her. Just him being there makes her feel better and lemons ensue. XD

Sorry to those of you not expecting the brief lemon. I felt like it was required. XD R & R please.


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